Touhou Chris Hansen. (NSFW Woorden.)

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    Pshycho Maniac
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    Touhou Chris Hansen. (NSFW Woorden.)

    Bericht van Pshycho Maniac op za okt 08, 2011 3:01 pm

    Ik had dit op een oude harde schijf staan.
    Kan niet vinden waar het origineel vandaan kwam.
    Ik geloof van Touhou-Project.com
    Een van de Anon's had dit gepost.

    NIET VAN MIJ:


    Names have been omitted to protect the innocent

    “So, uh, how are we getting across?”

    As the two of you stand on the shore of the all-too-familiar lake, your companion tilts her head to the side and blinks at your question.
    “What do you mean?” she responds.

    “Well, I don't see the boat anywhere, so...how else are we getting across?”

    At this, she giggles, as if she were just asked something she found rather funny.
    “How else do you think, silly?
    “Swimming?”

    Once again she giggles, and shakes her head.
    “No, no, I was thinking something more like...well...”
    Blushing slightly, she steps closer to you, and takes your hands into her own.
    Wait, she couldn't mean what you think she means, could she?
    “...I-I could do it.”

    Oh god, she means exactly what you think she means.
    “Wait, wait, wait, you mean carry me across?”

    “You don't want to do it with me?”
    As she looks up at you with a set of puppy-dog eyes that could induce cardiac arrest in lesser mortals, a part of you is silently thankful that no one was around to hear that just now. Although you had long since become accustomed to misunderstandings and the subsequent near-death experiences resulting from them that seemed to have become a daily occurrence for you, the lack of any such incidents so far today has been quite a refreshing change of pace.

    “Er, no! No! I'd be more than happy to!”
    Her expression instantly brightens into the most heart-melting smile you have seen from her all day. Goddamn, how can anyone ever say 'no' to a face like that?

    - - - - - - - - - - -

    The door closes behind you, and once again you find yourself in the mansion that had become like a second third home for you.
    As familiar as the scenery was, however, you couldn't shake the feeling that something was odd.

    “Say, where is everybody?”
    “Hm? Well, Sis said she had something important to take care of at the shrine, and wouldn't be back until really late. Not sure about everyone else, but I think Sakuya went with Sis, too.”

    Judging from how even the ever-faithful gate guard was peacefully napping at her post when the two of you arrived, you don't find it hard to imagine a similar situation with the various maids staffing the mansion. 'While the boss's away, the fairies will play,” you could say?

    “So, we pretty much have the whole mansion to ourselves right now?”
    “...I suppose we do. Isn't that great?”
    “Well then, er, what should we do?”
    “How about we go down to my room?”
    “Er, your room?”

    Just then it strikes you. You and her, a boy and a girl, alone in her house while the main authority figures are away, and you have just been invited to come to her room. Coming from any other girl, the implications of such an invite would be all-too-clear. But there's no way this particular girl could mean that, right? Right? Right.

    “I-it's okay if you don't want to.”
    You're broken out of your internal rambling to see the beginnings of 'that' face, again. If you didn't know any better, you would swear she could turn it on and off like a light.

    “Oh, uh, no! I mean, yes! I mean...gah! I mean, I'd be happy to come to your room!”
    Oh, you are so, so whipped.

    Her expression brightens instantly at your words.
    “Great! I'm happy! Let's go get some snacks to take down, first, okay?”
    “Sure, that sounds good.”

    Walking hand-in-hand, the two of you make your way through the halls to the kitchen doors, step inside, and stop dead in your tracks at the sight before you.
    A slightly familiar-looking green-haired girl stands next to a counter, looking straight at the two of you. However, unlike the school uniform you normally see her in, she appears to be wearing a dark suit and tie, and a strange hat adorned with some gold ornaments and some red and white ribbons.

    After what seems like an eternity of silence, she clears her throat, and addresses you.
    “Welcome. How about you have a seat, over here?”
    The girl gestures to a nearby metal chair.

    Suddenly overcome with the feeling you're being watched from all angles, you swallow and nervously move to the chair the girl just indicated, but stop when she raises her hand.
    “No, no, not you, young man. I was addressing her.”

    Wait, what?
    “Wait, what?”

    Ignoring me, the girl now looks squarely at my companion.
    “You heard me, miss. Please have a seat, there are some things we need to discuss.”

    “Tch... it figures.”
    Not quite sure you heard what you thought you just heard, you turn to your friend, and are shocked to see her demeanor has changed completely from the girl you know. Heading over to the chair, she sits down and immediately pulls out a lighter and a silver...wait, is that a cigarette case?

    Sure enough, she removes a long, white stick from the case, snaps the case shut, and tucks it back into wherever she pulled it from before

    “What figures?” the green-haired girl asks her as she lights up.
    Taking a long drag, she holds it in for a moment before exhaling the smoke right in the girl's direction.
    “It figures that someone else would have to show up and try to get in my way.”
    “And what is it you think I'm getting in the way of?”

    Crossing her legs and taking another drag off her cigarette, she fixes the girl with a glare that would have made just about anyone run for cover..
    “You know damn well what, ya cock-blocking twat.”
    “That sort of language is uncalled-for.”
    “The fuck it is! Like I don't know what this is about! I bet you wanted to ask me 'what was I gonna do' or some shit like that! Well, you know god-damn-fucking-well the fuck I was gonna do!”
    “And that would be?”

    She makes a face as if she had been asked the stupidest thing in the world.
    “To get me some goddamn cock! Fuck!”

    As this exchange is going on, you can do nothing but stand there in stunned silence, and watch as the image you had built up of your friend collapses like a building undergoing demolition.

    “Not that I'd expect a frigid bitch like you to understand.” she continues glaring at the girl in the suit.
    “And you don't see any problem with what you were going to do? You are almost, what, 500? Do you know how old he is?”
    “The fuck does that matter? I've seen what he's packing already! 'If there's grass on the field, then play ball” and that shit!” she retorts, jabbing the cigarette in the girl's direction for emphasis.

    It feels wrong to hear that from her, of all people, for various reasons, but you think better of saying anything about it and keep on quietly pretending to be invisible.
    Of course, it seems you aren't the only one to pick up on that.

    “I do not believe you have much room to talk in that regard.” the girl says with a smirk.
    “Hey. Hey. Fuck you. Just because I look like this doesn't mean I don't get the urge to fuck, ya know? You know what it's like being locked up for fuckin' centuries, with your only source of relief being your hand, a broken bedpost, or a rod that can burn the world down? To finally get out, only to discover your only prospects are creepy old men or dumbasses who want you to call them “onii-chan~” or some shit? Fucking hell!”

    Apparently finished with her cigarette, she flicks away the butt, and then pulls out what appears to be a small, silver flask. Unscrewing the lid, she brings it to her mouth, tips her head back, and continues to do so until she seemingly empties it completely. As she finishes, she exhales in a satisfied manner, and you catch a waft of whatever it was. Definitely alcoholic, and strong.

    “So, how the fuck is this goin' down, then? Ya gonna arrest me or some shit? In my own home? Eh?”
    “Of course not. However, we have contacted your sister and informed her of what has transpired here. She will most likely return here within the hour.”
    “Merde! C’est des conneries!

    Rising from her seat, she continues muttering what are probably rather impolite words in French as she heads out of the kitchen and presumably back to her room, likely wanting to be behind the many locks and reinforced metal before her sister came home.

    “And don't forget about the homework for tomorrow!” the girl calls out to her
    ”va te faire foutre!” comes the reply through the now-closed door.

    Still standing in complete and utter shock at everything you had just seen and heard, the girl finally turns her attention to you, stepping over and placing a hand on your shoulder.

    “How are you doing? Are you alright? She did not touch you inappropriately anywhere, did she?
    “...oh...wha? N-no! No! Nothing like that! I'm fine!”
    “Because I have a doll you could use to point out anywh-”
    “No! Really. I'm fine.”

    “Well, good. I am glad. A young man like you needs to be careful here, this land is teeming with all sorts of predators.
    “Er, uh, r-right.”

    Giving a reassuring smile, she pats you on the shoulder, and makes her way to the door.
    “Uh, thanks? I guess. Er, Miss Yamaxa-”
    The girl suddenly puts her hand up to interrupt you.
    “Think nothing of it, young man. I am merely performing my duty. As for my title, when I am like this I am acting as The Judge of Paradise. Rather than 'Shikieiki Yamaxanadu'...” she says while standing in the doorway, turning towards you while slipping on a rather stylish-looking pair of sunglasses.
    “...perhaps it would be more appropriate to call me 'Shikieiki Hansenxanadu'.”

    What.
    Before anything more can be said, the girl is gone, and you are left standing alone in the kitchen
    As you are left to reflect on the implications of all that had just transpired, and what you may very well have been deprived of, you feel a warm wetness running down your face.

    Oh, look. It's raining.
    Yes, it is most certainly rain.


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      Het is nu wo nov 22, 2017 2:03 pm